Relationship Lifestyle - Polyamory

Polyamorous People Believe in Loving More Than One Person

Sep 21, 2009

Many people think it is scandalous when a man or woman dates more than one person, but people who are polyamorous believe that it is okay to love multiple people.

Monogamous individuals devote themselves to one person when in relationship. Many do not realize that there is an entire love style based around loving more than one person. That is Polyamory.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory is a relationship style in which those involved choose to participate in multiple relationships with the understanding that there is a potential for emotional depth that could lead love (Ritchie and Barker, 2006). It has also been known as “open relationship” or “non-monogamy” (Munson and Stelboum, 1999).

While they seem to represent the same “love style,” people identify according to personal preference and politics – there is controversy over inclusion and exclusion criteria for polyamorous relationships.

Types of Polyamous Relationships

One type of polyamorous relationship is structured around what are called primary and secondary partnerships. The primary partner is considered to be top priority within the relationship agreement. He or she has privileges that other partners may not have. This may look different in any individual partnership, but privileges may include living with one another, more time spent together, scheduling preferences and opinions with more weight in decision making.

The secondary partner or partners are just that – secondary. This does not mean that they are loved any less. It simply means that their lives aren't as deeply entwined. There is also a third type of partnership called “tertiary,” (Anapol, 1992) These lovers are seen somewhat infrequently but still considered to be a loving relationship.

Another type of polyamorous relationship is polyfidelity. Here, there are three or more people involved with one another, each of whom have agreed to be committed only to those within the relationship. This is the style that much of the literature cites as most closely resembling monogamy.

The final style is “open” simply because it does not involve secondary partners, primary partners, or commitment agreements. The “open” poly sees multiple people without giving priority to any one. This is similar to a “loving network.” (Anapol, 1992)

The difference, however, is that in a loving network many of the lovers know when another and engage in intimate and sexual relationships with multiple (and potentially all) people inside of the network. This does not necessarily include relationships outside of the network.

Important Aspects of the Poly Relationship

These are considered by most to be essential elements in any relationship that involves more than two people (and perhaps even in monogamous relationships). This is because polyamory by its very nature has the potential for misunderstanding.

In a society where monogamy is encouraged, it is easy when a partner starts seeing someone new to think He must like her more, I'm not enough, or I'm going to lose him. But a large part of what polyamory stands for is the idea that there is no need to place limits on love and connection.

It is possible for human beings to love more. It simply requires those involved to pay attention to the shifting wants and needs of multiple people and to create clear boundaries so that they can develop the trust that any loving relationship deserves.

Is Polyamory Better Than Monogamy?

Some say that polyamorous relationships are more sophisticate than other types of relationships because they transcend cultural guidelines and personal inhibitions. This is not the case. What is important is that individuals are aware of the relationship options available so that they may decide what fits for them personally.

To be able to identify where one’s boundaries are, where they can expand, and perhaps where they need to be strengthened is indicative of a willingness for self-knowledge and transformation, no matter what love style one chooses to adopt.

The copyright of the article Relationship Lifestyle - Polyamory in Ethics & Relationships is owned by Nadia Santiago. Permission to republish Relationship Lifestyle - Polyamory in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.