How to Deal with Difficult People
Tips for Coping with Angry Holiday Shoppers and Difficult Relatives
Dealing with angry, difficult people isn't easy, especially during holidays. But by applying some practical techniques, you'll keep your cool.
Dealing with angry, difficult people isn’t easy. And, it seems it's even more of a challenge during the holiday season. People are hot-tempered and impatient, standing in line with their holiday purchases at overcrowded stores; family members can cause you to walk on eggshells with their thoughtless remarks. However, by exercising a few practical techniques you can manage to keep your cool when the difficult, angry people around you are losing theirs. What’s more, you just may be a factor in calming them down, too.
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #1---Don’t React
Although it’s hard, you need to first step back and place an imaginary piece of tape over your mouth. Chances are what you’re thinking when you’ve first been verbally attacked isn’t what you should repeat aloud. Instead of reacting with more anger, take a deep breath and count to 10, thinking of how you should respond. It’s also a good idea to plan what you'll say in advance and not at the moment of confrontation. In other words, if you’re hosting a Christmas Eve dinner and know that contrary Aunt Edna will be there, anticipate how you’ll respond when she, again, reminds you of how you can’t set a proper table or carve a turkey.
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #2---Repeat the Concern
Instead of lashing out with retaliation, repeat to the angry person what he (or she) has just told you. For example, if you’re a store checker and an irate holiday shopper complains, “I don’t have all day to wait,” smile and say, “Sounds like you have a busy schedule today. I’m sorry for the delay and will be with you as soon as possible.”
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #3---Lower Your Voice
Lowering your voice to someone who’s yelling at you will most likely make them lower theirs, too. Although you may want to shout back, decide to set the example of keeping your voice soft and calm.
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #4---Use “I-Messages”
For example, if you have a mother who always berates you because you’ve lost your girlish figure, respond with, “I’m sorry you think I’m fat. But when you label me I feel discouraged, not even wanting to stay on my diet.”
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #5---Set Boundaries Ahead of Time
If you know that your alcoholic in-laws may be out of control, tell them ahead of time….”You know how much we want to spend the holidays with you. However, if you choose to drink around the grandchildren and lose control, we’ll have to leave early."
Or, if Uncle Ned calls and immediately complains about how you never call, gently warn him, “I’m glad to hear from you. But if you’re going to use this time to complain about how much you’re disappointed in me, I’m going to hang up.”
Finally, be prepared to follow through. If you just make statements and fail to go ahead and do what you say you’re going to do, you won’t be taken seriously and the difficult people in your life will continue to make you miserable.
Tip for Dealing with Difficult People #6---Pray
It’s amazing how a situation changes when you begin to pray for those who hurt you. As you lift up your difficult people and their needs to God, you may even begin to like them, sensing how it feels to walk in their shoes.
